Lumpy bumpy Christmas!

So, Spanx...well, let me start out with this...like my dad, I have terrible claustrophobia! Oh, and let me add a quick: sorry guys, but the struggle is real!

I was shopping for a Christmas party dress, and had a specific dress in mind. However, they only had one 👗 left and it was a size smaller than I typically wear. It fit, but it could fit better...

Enter spandex torture chamber.

Now this thing resembles a wrestling singlet only cut lower so you can wear your own bra. "Oooookay," I say eying it warily as Beaver stood there grinning, "I'll try it, but I hate this kinda stuff!"

Do I step in or pull over??

Quickly, I discover the "pull over" method was too constricting and invoked a panicky feeling while bent at waist with arms above my head trying to pull the stretchy tube of material, which is now compressing my face, down over my body....nope...ripped it off! Deep breath!

"Step In" it is!! Got it on, phew, that was way easier!! Trying to dismiss the fact that I resemble something that comes in a casing, I tried keeping an open mind; hey, I can breath and move, it's all good!

It was the taking off part where things got interesting! Trying to reverse the way I put it on was not working!!  No matter how I contorted my arms and pulled on the tiny spaghetti straps, I could not get my arms out...stuck.... so far the panic is at bay and I'm thinking fairly rationally.

"I should just call Beaver...no...he'll never let me live it down."

Hhhmmmm, maybe you step in it but pull it off over your head?!!!

BAD IDEA!!

Still stuck and now the unreasonable, but real, panic feeling sets in and this thing is done for...pulling, clawing, yanking, and dancing around ensue....

When I finally wrenched free from that stomach sucker it flew through the air like a rubber band...my heart was pounding out of my chest!

"How are you doing, Hannah?" says the clerk. "Just fine, thank you!" I reply while catching my breath and pondering, 'Who comes up with these death traps?'

#VanityVanityAllIsVanity

Five weeks

Five weeks ago yesterday we drove out of Grand Rapids with no idea what was ahead on this journey. 

So much has taken place! We have Moved, downsized - leaving almost everything behind, started a new job, white knuckle driving and riding through the hills of Georgia with an episode of hydroplaning (Siri said it would save 20 minutes but I think it took a 20 years from us!), learned about RV life and RV cooking, said good-bye to my dear Quarter Horse, swam in springs, with Manatees, stung by bees, saw and learned about all kinds of wild life creatures including armadillos, snakes and wild boars, flooded Trudy, traveled to many state parks, got lost numerous times, watched many ocean sunrises, had our car delivered in the middle of the night, learned about laundromats, dealt with homesickness, had lots of laughs and learned new card games together, bike rides, escaped a hurricane and survived a hurricane, ate seafood and crab legs...lots of crab legs, reunited with old friends and made new friends, started "homeschool", spent some nights in the hospital on my office floor, couch surfed, flew to Atlanta, and so much more!! Exhilarating and Exhausting!! 

We were shopping and I the store we were in was out of dog collars. A day later I went to look at them again and the same thing. Then I realized we were in the same store.  I've gotten so used to being on the go and never in the same store more than once! Just a silly example of how much we are in the go! 

Rest Well, My Boy

Almost thirty years ago I got the best present any 13 year old could ask for, a horse of my own!

He was amazing!!!! Growing up, we went through a lot together! He's the best confidante, never leaked a word that I whispered to him; heartbreaks and celebrations, he heard it all!! There were plenty of nights I slept in the barn to watch over him. Horse shows, trail rides, swimming in the lake, walking in parades, eating Skittles, and so much more!

I spoke to him via phone this afternoon to say goodbye, let him know how much I've loved him, and thank him!

I am so so grateful he was mine.

Rest well My Boy, hugs and kisses, Your Girl

❤️🐴❤️

Thank you friends for your thoughts and prayers during this sad time. Please say a special prayer for my sister as she struggles with this loss.

Special thanks to my mom for all she's done for him, and for my amazing friends, Christopher for being there with him and Michelle for being there for mom and I today and for Beaver for his continued love and support even when I ugly cry.

❤️🐴❤️

Meet Trudy!

Introducing "Trudy"

It is a God story!! The people go to the church our foster/adoption ministry,  Mosaic, is through. In fact, their small group bible study volunteered at the clothing coop. He has 3 adopted kiddos!! We were talking with them and I literally got goosebumps!

We saw this one first and then went to look at another. When we called them back we had them in speaker and said, "we'd like you to take down your Craigslist add!!!" The wife shrieked and said, "I knew you'd be calling!" She had told her husband (Derek and Becky) "they will be calling us back, I just know this is a God thing!"

They are even going to give us driving lessons!!

Moral of this experience: LET GO AND LET GOD!

#AdventuresInMoving
#DownloadingVitaminDin321...

I'm valued, God cares, don't worry!

Matthew 6:26-34 = I'm valued, God cares, don't worry!

I've been really concerned that we haven't been able to find a place to live. I've been asking a God to provide this for us, to lead the way and make our paths straight. I've been praying for wisdom in decision making and a peace in my heart so I know we are on the right track.

Last night I was talking to a dear friend and expressed that I was concerned that I was bugging God with trivial things. She reassured me, He cares, even about the "little stuff!"

I truly know He does, but I've been in a weird nervous/excited/happy/sad frame of mind. This am I read Matthew 6:26-34...aaaahhhh!

My favorite song, "His eye is on the sparrow" continues to play through my head this morning! I am so thankful to know I have a God who can be trusted, with the details, watching over me! We continue to move forward trusting Him to be with us through it all even when it doesn't go "exactly the way I wish it to!" (Which is probably a very good thing!!)

"What else?"

Big tears...

Went to say goodbye to a friend, fellow scrapbooker and tea lover today and learned she'd passed away while I was in New York.

If you knew her you know that as she'd ring up your Coffee Cart order she'd always say, "what else?!" So, you know...I'd add maybe a cookie, chips, or veggies and hummus...

Barb has made me a tuna sandwich at least once a week for years; she would see me and would go to the kitchen and make me a fresh one and report, "I put a little extra on for you, you know me I don't skimp! Now, what else?"

I think I have a few extra pounds because of you, Barb!!!!!  And my punch card is full...but I think I'll forgo the free sandwich and keep it as a reminder of our chats!

Downloading Vitamin D in 3...2...1...

The Trumble family has donated their snow pants to Goodwill, because we decided we don’t need them in Florida!!

Yes, we are moving! My last day at Spectrum Health will be August 4^th.  I am blessed to have worked, learned, and “grown-up” within this amazing health system that I have always been so proud to be a part of.

I have accepted a Nursing Director position at Florida Hospital’s Fish Memorial, in Orange City, Florida. The mission of the hospital is to “Extend the Healing Ministry of Christ.” I am sure you can imagine how amazing it will feel for me to continue my nursing career within a system that embraces the love of Christ and our responsibility as Christians to reach out to the hurting and suffering with respect, compassion, and excellent care.

Beaver and I are so excited for this new phase of our journey together for our family and career. However, Michigan has become home to me, as it has been for Beaver and we will dearly and sorely miss our sweet friends.  God has blessed us so richly with supports here and that certainly is also a concern with starting over.  However, we have no doubt in God’s leading us to Florida.  It has been over a year that I have been asked to consider the move and until now we did not feel the timing was right – then things starting clicking into place and here we go!

Beaver, your support and enthusiasm for this new adventure for us has been inspiring sorry to say, but I don’t think they allow Christmas or Christmas music in Florida cuz there is no snow there!  My whole family and the few friends and of course the Bucket Brigade whom we have confided in along the way have been nothing but supportive and we are so grateful – you know who you are  - THANK YOU!!

Please keep us in your prayers throughout this transition.

Bugs!

One of my favorite parts of the Festival of Arts this year was this friend and local artist, Beverly. She is simple and sweet lady.  

She is thrilled with the Paint-In, and walked around inspecting everyone’s art and relying on those running the booth to keep her in snacks! She opened her plastic Meijer bags to produce and show me several paintings she had already completed.

I reminded her of the one I purchased from her a couple years ago. She said, "I know! Was it a butterfly or bugs?" "Bugs" I replied and she grinned from ear to ear, “Yup, I remember!”

I remember when I bought the painting I asked her to explain to me about the picture and she replied in an incredulous tone altering me that I should have been able to tell, "It's bugs!" “Is there anything special about it?” I pushed.  “It’s just bugs!”  Well, Bugs it is!  Until I later learned her name I always endearingly referred to her as Bugs! 

 

I see her around town a lot and always smile and try to chat with her – she is a conversation minimalist, she always has places to go and things to do!

 

Today I asked if we could take a picture together so I could put it with my bug picture. She was all in!! But first, she stopped to get out one of her latest BUG paintings to hold in the photo! This is a single bug painting; the one I purchased a few years ago is a bug grouping!

 

The Beverly and Bug photo-shoot cracked me up!

 

Picture one: she wanted me to take another because her eyes were closed, oops!

 

Picture two: another redo because we couldn't see the painting.

 

Picture three: another redo because I again did not get enough of the painting.

 

Final and heartily approved picture four: Beverly and Bug!      I agree it is the best one!

Bucket Brigade

A quote I saw a while back read, "I love when people who go through hell walk out of the flames with buckets of water for those still consumed by the fire." In my mind I immediately thought of a couple people who have carried buckets for us!

The more I thought about it, others came to mind that, those in our ‘village’ that, although they may not have been through this fire, they were doing what could to understand and walk along side of us; they too were carrying buckets. This is when the analogy of a Bucket Brigade came to mind! The online dictionary defines Bucket Brigade as, "a line of people who pass buckets of water from one to another to put out a fire." I read further and learned that Bucket Brigades were started before there were trained fireman and the community belief that "putting out fires was everyone's job!" Everyone in the community/village came together to help. 


You can probably envision it, families bringing whatever buckets they had, men and boys forming lines, passing the buckets shouts of over here we need more water over here. The women doing head counts, tending to injuries, and supporting those in the midst of shock and loss, all whilst heaving silent earnest prayers for safety to the heavens.


It is a picture of the church, everyone doing their part. Let me tell you, boy do we need the support of the church. Sadly, the church has not quite ‘arrived’ in their support of Adoptive and Foster families, but the good news is, it is starting! We have seen churches across the country being called to action to do their part as the Body of Christ to support orphan care.


Seriously, God knew the importance of caring for the orphans, we see that in the Bible’s command to care for the orphans and widows. Note: it's not a suggestion. That doesn't mean y'all need to run out, get a home study, and start taking in kids. I honestly don't believe that is everyone's calling, but explore it, don't hide behind "it's not my calling."


What is your calling? How are you being called to support the church in orphan care? It could be as simple as picking up and doing a few loads of laundry from an Adoptive/Foster or dropping off a frozen dinner, ordering a pizza, prayer and encouragement. Someone dropped off a treat to us one night, one of the best tasting breads we’ve had ever – because it showed someone knew, and we were not alone during a very lonely time. We cried as we savored it!


What can you do? Well, I am not sure what you have been called to do but here are some of my thoughts as to the needs us Foster/Adoptive Parents have. Please note: I'm not saying for us, this isn’t a “help us” blog, it is a "call to action on behalf of others" blog!


I'm talking about people in your church, neighborhood, or social circle. Here's a baker’s dozen (or so) of what we've learned...


1. Provide a meal, could be as simple as having a pizza delivered or dropping off a casserole or a candy bar, or a gift card they can use when the crap really hits the fan or when the things settle down, either way!


2. Listen without judgment; if we open up it's hard to hear "oh that's typical (state age) behavior!" Yup, it just might be...but while typically you see stages of behaviors we are likely dealing with all of them all at once, most of which are not age appropriate and or go on for days or weeks on end without a break. It's okay, we do know how odd it is and plus we can't always share the "behind the scenes" info, so it's not easy to grasp unless you live it or see it a lot. That's why when it happens we imperceptibly withdraw, smile and nod.


3. Understand, we don't tell everyone everything, it's for the protection of our kiddos and for the future success we are working so hard towards!


Adoptive/Foster Parents: this is how we handle sharing information: The Book analogy – now this is not mine, I cannot remember where I read about this, but loved and adopted it! Think about a book on a shelf and peoples interactions with the book: a. some don’t even notice it is there b. some glance at the cover c. others read the cover d. others pick up the book and ready back e. others open the front cover and take a look inside f….and so it continues to those who are engaged in reading the book! The people asking you questions – are they front cover people? Or back of the book? Or are they the engaged reader or somewhere else on the continuum? This is the gauge we use. But also note: as the author/owner you reserve the right to provide as much as little information despite the level of engagement with ‘the book.’ Use good judgement, once words are shared – they are out there. You are doing great, you are loved, and I want to thank you for making a difference, I know it’s hard – be sure to reach out! HUGS!



4. Pray


5. Don't blame the Foster/Adoptive parent with statements like, "Oh but he/she was so good for me!" or “He is just so polite and nice.” Yup! The child may be a gem in public (initially) and an absolute devil at home. It is called "superficial attachment" and it is all part of their survival. Often, they don't even understand it themselves, but we get it (now), it's fear and we are probably working hard in it! To hear words like the above are initially very defeating. Once we've been at it for a while we learn to just smile and say things like, "oh good! I'm glad." Or just snort out a laugh and feverishly attempt to keep our eyes from rolling...depends on where we are at that day, quite honestly! You see a mom struggling? Don't assume she asked for it by not adhering to a schedule or spoiling the child. These kiddos act out in all kinds of crazy ways! Know that we didn't ask for this, these RAD issues are certainly not what we "signed up for," but here we are...learning and trying and likely we are exhausted 😩






Pause: Before you get offended if you don't like that I'm giving suggestions, then don't read it. Or if your own eyes are rolling and you are thinking, we are just trying and you foster/adoptive moms are so sensitive! Step back and take time to recognize that I am writing FROM what I've learned personally and FOR people who want to know. I'm not aiming to talk down to anyone or blame anyone for not knowing Adoptive/Foster Care norms. After all, this stuff isn't second nature, in fact it's not natural at all. Children were not meant to orphaned or adopted; they were meant to stay with their families. So it's okay that you don't know or if you've done some of these things yourself....I sure have!! We are all still learning and part of that learning is being open to share the lessons we learned as well as being open minded to learn. Again, this isn't normal; it wasn't God's perfect plan. We are just trying to do what we can because children belong in families!!


6. Okay, where were we? Oh, here’s a good one: Please don't give gifts or sweets to our kids without prior permission (hang on, I know it sounds crazy!). I was the Aunty that loved spoiling kiddos, it was my job right?! But these kiddos have different needs and a big one is to learn to attach. This is largely accomplished through learning to trust their Foster/Adoptive parents. Trust that we will meet their needs in all aspects. They are already great at charming others, accepting presents, and forming superficial bonds to get people to meet their need without having to trust and attach. This developed manipulative unhealthy behaviors as they grow. It is best for adoptive family to be seen as providers for all needs food, treats, presents, clothing et al.! It's a tough one, we get it feel free to ask questions we are happy to explain more if needed.





7. In the same vein, please don’t expect our kids to engage with you. They've likely been through hell and now you want them to greet you, make eye contact and/or know or remember other social norms. Well, I am here to tell you that the truth is, they're likely trying their hardest just to not come completely unglued. Give them space, say hello so they know you care but keep moving, they've suffered losses you likely can't even begin to imagine, allow them plenty of non-judgmental space to adjust. And please, at the risk of sounding like our kids are in a zoo, DO NOT TOUCH the Children! A) our kiddos do not interpret touch the way you think they might and that is for us and the counselors to work through with them and B) part of helping them learn how to build an attachment is that we are the ones they turn to for hugs, encouragement, comforting, or safety.


8. Educate yourself, nothing shows support like doing some homework! Talk to parents (when kids aren’t around), read a book, a few articles, or blogs like this one 😃! Just kidding I will list some great blogs for you to check out: http://confessionsofanadoptiveparent.com/
http://marybethchapman.com/bloggin_in_the_/


9. Everyone has a journey and we are each called to handle different things. Just because the cops were here three days in a row and we have bruises and house damage to prove the kiddo had BIG feelings doesn't mean you can't share your less volatile struggles. It doesn't make us better or more in need of support. In fact, we want to support you and share in your journey too!


10. Little things mean a great deal! A flower from a garden, a note, a hug, a text...like anyone else struggling, knowing that we are loved and supported doesn't have to be any grand gesture. Don't worry we won't ask you to babysit…well we might try it, but at least we understand when you take off running in the opposite direction! Lol!


11. My kiddos are not lucky to have us! They come from brokenness and are broken. They don't see us as "amazing people who are taking them in" honestly, they aren't grateful at all! They are often angry and entitled. They are mourning losses and nursing wounds we can't imagine. They aren't lucky to have us, they are devastated that something so unnatural has occurred and now they have to adjust to their trauma amidst the norms of a family they weren't naturally meant for.


12. If you're still here...thank you! ❤It's often lonely and isolating until you learn you have to reach out or you'll simply implode and even then it isn't easy. It is not easy because we suddenly are faced with all these unknowns and on top of it we are experiencing secondary trauma now ourselves so we don't even know how to respond, our friends don't either, and suddenly you're even more alone...and your life is so changed. Then the fog clears…




Yes, the fog lifts for an instant and THERE IT IS…our village, and they have buckets, even some of the back of the bookers are there with buckets – it is Our Bucket Brigade! Some are doing the heavy lifting with us, others are tending our wounds, others are readying meals, and others are praying and whispering words of encouragement that reach in and touch our heart and remind us again that we are not alone. Some of these are hard to explain.


Again I'm not talking down to anyone it's just that if you haven't been here it's hard to take in, that's okay. Use what you can and thank you for trying and learning and loving!! Please ask questions we want to share what we can. Some Foster/Adoptive Parents might be back a bit where we were about a year or so ago - - not sure how to even talk about it…what to share, where to start, who to trust…please start gathering buckets for them be the first on scene!


I fear a little bit that it will seem like I'm either being dramatic or looking for sympathy and that sure is not the case. Just trying to share some things I've learned in hope it helps you relate to others or for those in the midst of this, I hope it helps normalize, a bit, what you are going through! I want to say thank you! If you've supplied a bucket, filled a bucket, passed a bucket, carried a bucket, or emptied a bucket, for us or anyone else - thank you!


❤🐟❤

Weekend Learnings

Weekend learnings: 1) Where the class excuse slips are stashed 2) When best times are to sneak them 3) What the principal's signature really looks like 4) That we seem way more gullible than we are 5) There will be 4,897 alternate versions of how it all went down 6) There is FREEDOM & LIFE with truth telling!

Reflection and thoughts

Today...but 3 years ago, was the night that we had the first inkling that this foster care/adoption journey was going to get "interesting!" If only I'd known then what was ahead...I might have pulled the covers up over my head and stayed there for a very long time!! This, friends, is why God lets us know what we need to know when we need to know it! In addition, this is why we need to find humor and positives in small things; too much heartbreak over the past 3 years... However, seeing where we are now and what we've learned inspires us to continue to walk the journey, some days with more spring in our step than others! For those who have jumped in, seriously you saw the need and jumped to help us, encourage us, listen and or cry with us (there's not a ton of you, so you know who I'm talking to...I think of you as "Our Bucket Brigade!") we love you, thank you! For those ahead of us in the journey, (many of whom are in our Bucket Brigade!!) we are learning from you, thank you!! For those at the same step of the journey, we link arms with you, together we're stronger! For those who are just realizing their journey isn't what they expected...we get it. It's so crazy and hard, and really just sucks sometimes. Please know, you are not alone and you CAN do this!! Just keep swimming, find your village, surround yourself with supports, even if it's a small village to start; get them engaged in prayer with you and for you and hang on....don't forget we are here, we are part of your village!!! Above all remember, God knows, God cares, and He is there! He understands firsthand the struggle and cost of redeeming lives! Sincerest thank you to all who walk with us and to those who don't quite get it, that's okay...it's not your journey! !

For those who hurt on Mother's Day

Peek at Play

A peek into some of our counseling sessions...tbc....

Hannah Henna!

I am learning Henna! A = my canvas! I tried a dragon! A: "I was hoping for cool, I guess cute will do, maybe the girls will like it." This is not as easy as it looks! Austin is out of arms...roll up your sleeves B, you're next!! When learning something new, i like to do things from the ground up so i am learning all about... To be cont.

Resignation Gone Bad

Oops!

Vivian

I had a friend named Vivian, she was amazing and lovely! An Adirondack hoarder of paper and poetry. As an adult I reflect on how, as a little blonde kid, I would love to sit in her living room and listen to her stories. I'm sad I can't remember them now. She wrote poetry, it just poured out of her. Beautiful reflections of her friends, nature, and, mostly, her Lord. I remember she was a larger lady with gray hair and a wobbly chin i don't think she bathed much, her tub was full of poems. I loved spending time with her. She inspired me to write poems and listened to my scrawling attempts and would recite her own, they flowered from her soul. She kept them on various bit of paper in shoe boxes and envelopes everywhere. Her house was literally cluttered with poems and she would want to find a particular one for you she would search through them hundreds...thousands... I always wanted her to publish them. Her daughter did, after her death. I remember it was a small blue paper booklet, I wish I had a copy. I haven't thought of her for years but tonight she came to mind so vividly, I scoured the internet to see if someone out there had her poems... and i cried, sad that her thousands of papers and poems are gone, just like she is and thankful tears that I knew her.

Challenge to the "religious"

I saw this laughed and felt guilty all at the same time! I am really struggling with bitterness and disappointment in God's people. The people who preach religion but don't follow through. I hate to even say it, because I know I'm far from perfect. But really? My dad has had a few family members visit and a friend from California, but no one from his church and no one from the the organization he held in such high regard. Sure it looks good that you do your duty to go to church, or to Africa (no offense to Africa) but what about your duty to the shut-ins, orphans, widows around you? What about someone who used to call you friend? Why not? Is it because we are too busy or too uncomfortable and that there is a clause for this that releases us from this duty? There is no James 1:27b "Unless it takes time or takes you out of your comfort zone!" Knowing that I'm not perfect, I challenge myself as well as you. Are we acting out the command of James 1:27? If the answer is no, what is the plan to change that? I pray that the Holy Spirit nags us until we listen and change! #Truth #NotEveryoneAppreciatesMyCandor

"Happy Friday"

Should I be this honest?? Well, it's my blog, my thoughts, and today...my pity party!

I hear "Happy Friday" or "Have a Good Weekend" and it makes me sad. The best of their week is behind them and the worst of my week is just beginning.

Date

Kiddo A is now in a support group for other adopted kid's who are struggling. Two hours every Thursday for eight weeks!! Guess what that means??!!!

Weekly Date Night!! 

We've been to the same place all three nights...we sit and eat pizza, relax and chat! Ahhhhh!!

Reach Out!

We are in a book club for adoptive parents and this is one section of the book. It is right on!! So thankful for the friends who've stuck close, even though they don't always "get it!" For a time we kept to ourselves, and even now sometime we find ourselves going there, but the isolation was almost our undoing.

If you are in this, or a similar situation, you have to reach out! Surround yourself with support....it is not easy, but it is vital.

God in Action

God in Action

Sitting in foster/adoption support group. Seeing Foster Parents loving on kiddos that are not biologically theirs...ranging from 3 weeks to teens...kiddos they've just met or have been advocating for weeks, months, or years.

God in action. Loving and shepherding.

I saw kiddo (age 11) walking with her brand new foster sister (age 5) to show her the layout of the church. Walking quietly side by side the younger girl's body seemed to tense almost imperceptibly and instinctively the older girl placed her hand reassuringly on the littles shoulder, just for a moment, as they continued to walk thorough the foyer. It was beautiful!

God in action. Calming and reassuring.

Foster mom counting the time between feedings and preparing a bottle. Foster dad picking up 4lb baby, with great care. Bottle, kisses, cuddles.

God in action. Feeding and protecting.

Foster mom helping bio-mom through the process of getting her life back together. Non-judgmentally talking through choices and actions, advising, caring.

God in action. Forgiveness and discipleship.

Celebrating with a family who just had their final court hearing!!

God in action. Adoption!

Humbled by these folks and so many others there who allow the Lord to work through them; to love as Christ loved us and to be GOD in ACTION!