Today!!!

Today is the day!!! Nothing but excitement (and a bit of anxiety) here that our kiddo moves only 15 minutes away!!!!

Yahooooo he will now be so close by!!! Goodbye Saturday road trips, hello spending more time together and getting the appropriate services!! Whoot whoot!!

Pray with us as he starts this new program.

Honestly, I start to worry because he doesn't have a lot of options left if he doesn't do well with this program. It kind of scares me. But on the flip side we've seen God move some pretty big mountains for these kiddos. So, I'm actively working on placing my trust in God.

The first part of Romans 12 talks about making our lives "a living sacrifice." The hardest part about a living sacrifice is that the darn thing keeps crawling off the proverbial altar.  It is a daily sometimes hourly effort to put myself back up there...

"Okay Lord, here I am again, I feel myself slipping off the altar, starting to worry and be anxious when really today should just be about excitement that we've worked so hard to get to this point. Forgive me for not always trusting You as I should.

I give myself and my family to You. Help me to trust, help me to remember that You love these kids more than anyone and that You desire the best for them. Give me the strength to keep advocating, give me the peace I need to quiet my anxious mom-heart, and when it's hard to like them please fill my cup with love for them like you love me with your perfect love despite my own unlovable thoughts, words, and actions.

Lord, give me grace for the journey You have set me upon. Help me to be what D & A need from a mom at this point in their lives. Help me to be patient, kind, and consistent. Please Lord, grant me much wisdom and courage.

Be with Beaver and I to remember to partner together, communicate, and be consistent. Help us to continue to love each other even in the hard times when we don't feel like it. Help us to listen to each other and to speak with respect and help us give each other grace.

And when I'm tempted to want, remind me me You are all I need! May I never look at what others have unless it is to ensure they have enough.

Go before us today, make the path straight for D. I ask for a great fresh start today for this struggling kiddo. He's yours Lord, keep him safe and help him to continue to grow to love, trust, and fear you. Please grow him into a happy productive man.

Amen."

Although these thoughts and feeling are personal, I share them because I know I'm not the only one out there struggling...and if it reaches and encourages one other heart I want to say

1. You are not alone!
2. God is SO good!

Praises and Thanksgiving

As I write this I am crying big tears of thanksgiving and I'm praising the Lord for His amazing grace and divine intervention, yet again, for our family!!

Wow, just wow!!!!

D got in and moves on Monday!!! MONDAY!! Not only does God answer prayer but he does amazingly more than we could ever ask or think!

If you remember from my last major blog update, were concerned that the timing would necessitate D move out of state for a short time until this ideal placement could be secured. The opening is not coming a moment too late or too soon. One week from today his case worker will move him and we will be there to welcome him and get him settled! He will be closer to us (only about 15-20 minutes away) and in a more intensely therapeutic setting.

Honestly, in the past seven days we have seen four major break throughs/answers to prayer. Things we have not shared publicly due to their nature, and friends, trust me when I say, OUR GOD moved mountains this week! (More tears!)

This momma's heart's motto has been:

PRAYING - BELIEVING - EXPECTING

I'm not surprised at His ways, He keeps His promises, and I am just so very grateful for your intercession with us, for us!

Thank you all, for the precious role you have played as intercessor, encourager, hugger, listener, friend...xo!!

I own an Elaine Dalcher!!!

We love art!! Every year we made it a point to attend this one particular Artist open house in Grand Rapids.

For reasons you know well, we have not been able to attend the past few years.

It was tonight and we had one hour between getting out of work and picking A up at school. We did that place, 854 stairs and all, in 45 minutes!!  Whoot whoot!!

On top of that we were able to purchase a piece from an artist I've always admired! It's little but it's mine and I get to pick it up on Monday!!! Happy Christmas to me!

A reminder of how God loves us so much that He takes care of, not only our needs, but some of our wants too!!

Promises

I love this song playing in the car right now...each line speaks to me this evening as my heart is full of gratitude for such love and prayers enveloping us! Thank you for allowing the Lord to use you during this dark time to remind us of HOPE! #GodIsGood #TrustingHisPromises

Sanctus Real

Promises

Sometimes it's hard to keep believing
In what you can't see
That everything happens for a reason
Even the worst life brings
If you're reaching for an answer
And you don't know what to pray
Just open up the pages
Let His word be your strength

And hold on to the promises (Hold tight)
Hold on to the promises (Alright)
Jesus is alive so hold tight
Hold on to the promises

All things work for the good
Of those who love God
He holds back nothing that will heal you
Not even His own Son
His love is everlasting
His faithfulness unending
Oh, if God is for us who can be against us
So if you feel weak

Neither life, nor death
Could separate us
From the eternal love
Of our God who saves us

Intercession Needed

My heart is burdened tonight, for our kiddos.  So many struggles over the past few months and now the residential facility has given notice that they can no longer handle the behaviors so another placement will need to be found.  There is no place in MI willing to take him, so although the search has begun out of state, the Case Worker is leery to make this move on account of what this will do to both kiddos.  He is on a waiting list for a place within MI but according to a recent phone call it could be several months to a year.

 
Sadly, in a stupid move and despite conversation and agreement that no one was to tell D until a placement was secured, the lawyer told him at a court hearing recently.  We were sitting there waiting to go into court when he came back from speaking with the lawyer and was a different kid, devastated, withdrawn, and full to the BRIM with anxiety.  It was with such sad hearts we realized what took place and we began to talk him through it, and hugged him tight as he once again wrestled with the demons inside him telling him he was bad and that he wasn’t wanted.

 
Remember, this is the kiddo that saw his heart on Ultrasound and thought it was black vs red because it was bad. He about crawled off the table in fear until it dawned on me what was taking place. I quickly explained it to the tech who instantly flipped on the color so he could see the red and blue blood his heart was pumping and reassured him he was good, with a good heart with good red blood.


So, weeks later, after being told by the lawyer about having to move placement, he is still struggling in such outright and defiant ways.  When we saw him on Wednesday he hugged and held on like never before, as we left he walked backwards back to the schoolroom watching us get in the car and waving until he had to turn around...we drive away and we cry...and later his feelings and anxiety get the best of him and he acts out again and again...

 
We feared this would be the reaction toward the facility; it is like he is saying, “You are getting rid of me, I can act as bad as I want to.” Unfortunately, it’s so extreme that we are afraid they won’t let him stay there until he can get into the more intensive program. in the past month or so he went from 5th on the wait list to 2nd. Lord, he needs this program!! In the meantime, here we are struggling beyond belief with his brother. A few of you know what has been taking place and we are so thankful for the prayers, understanding, hugs, and most of all the acceptance when we have felt at an all-time low. EXHAUSTING!

 
We have stepped back from life in order to gain some control over what is happening and get the help we need. PCPs, School Principal, Therapist, Case Worker, Adoption Support Network, etc… all pouring over how to help.  Then we interviewed a new therapist, really hoping we found the one to help us.  Today was his first appointment and we were not disappointed – THANK GOD for leading us to this guy!

 
It is SO HARD and we constantly have to be thinking ten steps ahead. There are times we just weep and questions why….but know why.  We are here to help these kids grow to be productive member of society, happy, and loving God and others.  We have been chosen to be on this journey and although at times we feel very lonely, we are never alone. Main two request at this time…

1) D to quickly get into the program he is on the waiting list for. It seems doubtful him getting in will line up with him needing to leave where he is, BUT we serve a God who specializes in the impossible so we plead on his behalf, please intercede with/for us.

2) That A will have a break through with this new therapist.

Okay, one more...

3) We are often emotionally exhausted. The struggles of keeping life going, work going, kiddos from imploding really does a number on a relationship……not even sure how to ask for prayer on that front – but I am sure you get it...

Thank you for your continued interest, encouragement, prayers, love, hugs, good vibes, mojo, etc… there is not a day that passes that we don’t need it all! 

Dexterity...not just for girls anymore!

Tonight I was talking with mom and CJ via FaceTime when I grabbed a hair band and pulled my hair back into a ponytail.  Immediately CJ, always wanting to be like her big sister, got up and went for one of her own hair bands. Next I knew, she too had a ponytail!  I was so surprised that she did that; I thought I had looked away and mom had helped.

Me: “Mom, did she do that on her own?”

Mom: “Yes”

Me: “Wow Mom, that’s so cool, that really takes dexterity!”

Mom: “I know!”

A (butting into the conversation): “What is dexterity?” then sheepishly adds…”Oh, is that something just girls have?”

Me: “Yup!

It's a choice...I choose to BE IT!

We choose to live in a diverse area, we choose to have our kiddo in public school, we choose because we want our family to learn to tear down the walls that separate religions, sexuality, nationalities, genders, classes, and races.

This morning we went to McDonalds – we were the only white people in the place.  While the dining area off to the side was empty, the main dining area was full of middle age to older black men all discussing the election.  I plopped myself down in the midst of them, smiled, and listened.  They had a few things to say about white people and there were a few glances to see if we were okay with this. (Note: just because we are white does not mean we voted a certain way and or that we don’t hold the same concerns).  It felt good to hear them express their concerns as well as resolve to “work together to ‘get through’ the next four years.” 

While I appreciate that at this stage of processing how they are feeling they are understanding that “we can’t change it now”…but I don’t want to “get through, ” I want us to work together and if we want it, we have to BE IT!!  BE THE CHANGE, BE PEACE, BE THE VOICE, BE LOVING, BE UNITED, BE MOTIVATED to make and keep America great!  

One of the men this morning reminded me that people are dying daily trying to get to this land of Freedom….we are here, we are so fortunate! We have so much work to do together – why not start over coffee and an egg mcmuffin??!! This is the HOME of the BRAVE and the LAND of the FREE, and personally,…I’m lovin’ it!