I still cry

I could see your feet.  Another nurse got in the driver seat. Episiotomy in a flurry, onto a gurney, you were free. Tried to help you breath, your heart so weak. My heart cried out in silent pleading prayers as we pour in the meds, o2 & care. Then you weren’t there. Grabbed an interpreter and gulped back sobs as we told your mom. Later, by a tree and under the sky, on my back I cried. I still cry. #ShareAStoryInOneTweet #ERNurse 

You are NOT enough and other great reassurances!

I don’t say this to brag AT ALL, well actually, I do, I’m gonna brag on what God has done for us because I recognize it’s not us, but Greater is He who is in us!!...

We’ve been through hell and back with kiddos. Days where we were literally prostrate before God, feeling so alone, confused, physically sick with stress, raw, and at the end of ourselves crying out to God. 

If you are there, I’m so sorry. I can say there is hope, it has gotten better for us. I urge you to seek help, reach out to support groups, keep going. Push push push for resources, and advocate advocate advocate for your family!  You are NOT enough, apart from God and His loving grace, peace, and wisdom. Cling to Him, He is faithful, He can be trusted! 

Together with Him, you’ve got this! 

It’s okay, I wouldn’t have believed me either a couple years ago. I was tired of biblical niceties and the “I will pray for you’s...”. Don’t get me wrong we certainly believe in the power of prayer and really coveted all the prayers we could get, but I needed actual hands on help...I needed Jesus with skin on!! 

There were times I cried deep sobs of regret and experienced embarrassment and guilt regarding my thoughts and feelings. I felt like such a horrible person because I couldn’t stand the sight or smell of them and I wasn’t sure how I’d make it until they was old enough to leave. Yet in the midst of it all still try to figure out to be a loving and therapeutic parent. 

It was a LONG journey, but an amazing one. God is so faithful!! I never thought I’d say this, but he’s such a great kid!! There are still some pretty tough days and a lot of feeling and issues to navigate (including my own) but we’ve also ALL experienced such tremendous growth. Nowadays I tell him to never leave...I’ve even offered to buy the house next door when he’s older so he stays close by! 😀

Today after church we asked our son what would he like to do? He explained how the church service really spoke to him today about giving back to God through tithes and offerings and serving the poor with alms. He said he couldn’t wait to have a job so he could tithe and give offering to the lord, and today he wanted to go to the homeless people behind the grocery store and find out what they need and get it for them.  From bug spray and wet wipes to snack packs, fruit and water he got it all and delivered it with much kindness and respect, “Here you go, sir! You have a good day now!” 

😳❤️😢🤩😁👍🏼

We are so grateful to God for showing His faithfulness to our family and for bringing us our Villagers! Our Jesus’s with skin on to walk through it with us. 

From spaghetti pie, Burger King gift cards, listening ears, hugs and short respites we’ve seen the beauty of having folks be to us “Jesus with skin on!!”

If you’re on the journey, You are not alone friend, there is hope, you are doing Kingdom work, and you are so deeply loved! 

If you know someone who may be hurting on their journey, how can you be “Jesus with skin on” for someone today? 

Dorian is a wicked sloth!

Continued preparation today both at home and the hospital! Making sure all patients are safe and well cared for as we see Dorian approaching.

This evening when we were notified we were to evacuate starting at 10am tomorrow, it suddenly felt very real and a little scary.

Had dinner with some good friends and felt myself relax a bit!

Dropped a load off at our “shelter” (thank you Christine!!). And in the way sorted out some staffing issues for tomorrow! Thisnteam sure knows how to pull together!! ❤️👍🏼 #Grateful!! 

The dogs are worried, they sense something is up and are sticking to us like glue. In return we keep them close and with us as much as possible see wishbwe could help them understand that, “no matter what you won’t be left behind!”

God is good! If it hits us full in we will see His power in restoration, if it goes out to sea we see His power in weather control. No matter what we see Him, we trust Him! He is good. 

Considering Dorian

Woke up a little anxious this morning and reminded myself of how much God loves and cares for us and God brought to mind some verses I long ago memorized. I also thought of Pastor Daniel’s message on Sunday in which he used those verses in Matthew to remind us of how God’s got us, He is our provider of all we need; He takes care of the birds and the flowers and we are so much more important to Him than those, after-all He created us in His image!

Doesn’t mean we don’t have to use the brains he gave us to plan and prepare! So, more planning and prep today on both the home and work fronts!

Trust Him

Transparency re: Father’s Day

Full transparency on Father’s Day, a day of big feelings (often leading to big actions) for our kiddos...and dads!

For some it is a confusing day of expectations, split loyalty, being hit head on with anger, anxiety, grief, fear and the reminder of immense loss.

For D it has been a roller-coaster of a week excitement, fears, and anxiety as he met his bio-father for the first time. It’s been a rocky road to walk through this with him.

For A it’s a time of processing thoughts and feelings of disappointment, resentment and yet oddly some safety/relief not knowing about his own bio-dad (though with his permission we’ve been seeking info, no answers yet.)

A day of mixed emotions for us too, as we think of and remember our own Dads; one in heaven and one long gone from the picture.

But also of great celebration for these amazing boys we are so blessed to love and who call Beaver, Dad (especially when they are wrapping him around their little fingers🤣💙)

To all the men out there inspiring, influencing, and investing into the lives of kids, thank you!!

To the dads who hurting related to loss, separation,  or broken dreams, we see you, God sees you, you are loved.

💙💙💙💗💙💙💙

#FosterCare #Adoption #Blessed #ILYPIO

Fearless

The other day I was talking to my husband and was expressing how nervous I was to speak in a particular meeting.  My son, overhearing chuckled and said, “yeah right, not you! I know better.”  I was surprised and asked a few questions.  He said, “you are never afraid to speak up, especially if someone says or does anything to me, you speak right up and you are not nervous at all.” 

It was inspiring to me that he really thought I was joking, it never occurred to him that I would be afraid to address anyone. It got me thinking about these two verses:

2 Timothy 1:7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind!

2 Corinthians 12:9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

There certainly are times I am afraid, but in those times, as I seek His wisdom and guidance, as He promised His power is made perfect in my weakness.  It is in Him we can be Fearless!

Whatever fears you are facing, give it to God, allow Him to work through you, to shine through you, to love through you, and be Fearless!  He’s got you!

I get to do that!

I’m so thankful to work for a company that not only allows but encourages prayer and speaking to patients about spiritual things. 

Imagine having the privilege of opening a Care Conference with prayer and asking the Lord to be with us, guide us, and unite us as a team as we create a care plan while keeping the patient’s goals and best interests at the center!

I get to do that!! #Feelingwhole