Discipline

Gifts aren't always things, but moments God grants us!

One of my favorite pictures of Gram and I. I had just helped her eat dinner, spaghetti. She didn't really know me and I so wanted her to. I had just flown in and was weary and sad, I sat on the bed and laid my head on her like I used to and said " Love you so much Gram!" She put her hand in my face and said, "I love you too, Honey!" Deep down, she knew me! I'm so glad my mom got this precious picture! 

Stop to smell the roses

Flowers I made this weekend! 

70x7

I was taught a wise lesson by a 6 year old today! When we asked him what he learned in Sunday school he said he learned about not getting even with people. I said, "oh because we can trust God to take of them for us?"  He said, "No, we just need to forgive them."

Forgiveness is something I am struggling with tonight and I can see how the Lord was preparing my heart for it earlier, through a 6 year old, AWESOME!! It reminds me of this verse I learned years ago,  "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity." 1 Timothy 4: 12

My gram!

Dear Jesus, 

Thank you for giving me such a dear sweet and godly Grama. I loved her so much and I am so happy to know she is there with you tonight.  Thank you for taking her HOME where is finally well and free. I know she is happy to be with you, her love and trust in your was so evident throughout her life.

I am so grateful she was mine, My Gram! Hug her for me, let her know I wish I could have said goodbye but that I look forward to seeing her again someday. 

With a sad but peaceful heart, Gram's girl!

That will be Glory

1. When all my labors and trials are o’er,

And I am safe on that beautiful shore,

Just to be near the dear Lord I adore

Will thro’ the ages be glory for me.

Chorus:

O that will be glory for me

Glory for me,

Glory for me;

When by His grace I shall look on His face,

That will be glory,

Be glory for me.

2. When by the gift of His infinite grace,

I am accorded in heaven a place,

Just to be there and to look on His face,

Will thro’ the ages be glory for me.

3. Friends will be there I have loved long ago;

Joy like a river around me will flow;

Yet, just a smile from my Savior, I know,

Will thro’ the ages be glory for me.

Branding

Two weeks from today!

Two weeks from today I get to meet my boys for the first time. I get asked two questions, 1) are you excited? 2) are you nervous?. The answer to each questions is YES and NO.  I tried to analyze my feelings today.  

Yes! I am super excited, it all seems so surreal and I just want to see them, to know that they know we want them in our lives forever!!!  

No. I feel some reservation. What holds me back from being over the moon, jump up and down excited?  Other than that type of demonstration is not typically for me, I am scared.  I keep waiting for the something to fall through.  This has been a long grueling process and I am fearful of further heartbreak.

How do I deal with that?  Trust.  Trust in a God who wants the best for these boys and loves them even more that I even will and trust in that same God who loves me more than I can imagine and will carry me through the heartbreak should that be in the plan. 

Am I nervous?

Yes, I am a little nervous when I stop to think about how I want to grab them up in a big hug or I fear I might just cry - those things make me nervous.  These are 9 and 11 year old boys - hugs might now be cool, especially from a stranger! :)  

No. My first thought about meeting them is not a nervous thought or feeling. I do not worry about them liking me - I mean WHO COULD RESIST, LOL!!  Just teasing!!  But seriously, I don’t feel concerned that they will reject us, they need and want parents and we are going to be FUN ones to have!  Although there will be rules and boundaries, I just think they will find freedom, love, and acceptance with us that they long for and need.  Will they maybe know that right away?  No! I am expecting that they will need to learn trust in us and it might be a slow painful process.

How do I deal with that? Trust.  Trust in the God who is father to the fatherless, the One who strengthen us as new parents, who will bring people into our lives to encourage, inspire, and teach us when we struggle or become discouraged. I trust He will use us to speak truth into these precious lives and that some day they will know and understand our love for them and feel secure enough to love back!

Tonight I made their picture my background picture on my laptop. I makes me smile, then it overwhelmes me with emotion and I feel my throat tighten, my nose burn, and my eyes fill with tears.  Hello sons, how amazing it feels to think I will be your mom!  I love you already and two weeks seems so far away!

Divinely ours!

Exciting adoption news!!!

Guess what we did today? We made a scrapbook! 

This past Wednesday we had our Full Disclosure meeting for the adoption.  This means the adoptive family meets with all those who are involved with the care of the child(ren) they are seriously considering to adopt, including the current foster parents. 

In this meeting we felt so informed. We were able to ask a lot of questions and we learned more about the kids from people that actually know and care for them, it was very cool!

We were so excited to meet everyone. We were so happy meet a current foster family and learn that they are Christians. We could tell that they were really providing a nurturing, caring environment that is so needed. Praise the Lord!!

We also met the therapists, one of which is a sister of one of my best buddies here, another praise!!  We are so excited to see God’s hand leading us through this journey.  There certainly have been some deep disappointments and hurts, but even in the heartache and frustration we knew God had a plan. 

Friends, we are so delighted to tell you that tonight we signed the Intent to Adopt form for two boys aged 9 and 11.  So, today we worked on a special project, a scrapbook that the foster care worker will present to the boys this week to introduce us to them for the first time, to ease them into the transition.  We will be able to meet them soon!!  I anticipate that this will be time of excitement and nervousness, and it will be so thrilling to finally meet them!

We know it's natural to have lots of question and we will share what we can and what we are comfortable with sharing.  We thank you, in advance, for understanding if we do not share certain bits of information; as we advocate for the boys’ safety and privacy there are many details that we will not be sharing now, if ever.  For now, we will not be disclosing their names or location (other than that they are from here in Michigan). We can't wait to share that information as soon as possible though!!! :) 

What an exciting time in our lives and we are thrilled to share this process with you!! We truly are so blessed to have many friends and family praying and/or sending encouraging thoughts on our behalf throughout this process. We so appreciate the many caring and encouraging words along the way.  

It might seem strange, I have not even met them yet but I feel like they are already mine. I can’t wait to be their MOM!!!  I sat in the meeting with tears running down my cheeks holding back the gulping sobs that were threatening to present themselves. I ached for what they have known and seen and heard, I want to absorb any hurt and rejection for them. I want them to know we are in this for the long haul, I want to say, "it's okay, you can trust us" and I want to help point them to the ONE who loves them most of all and can ALWAYS be trusted!

I overheard the foster mother talking about needing to find a different pair of winter boots for...she named the child. I was sitting across the lobby and I was thinking to myself, I want to get the boots, that should be my job! Soon. 

For now, I wait and pray for the Lord to prepare our four hearts that will soon be coming together to form a family.

I wish I could be a fly on the wall when they tell them about us and see the scrapbook for the first time. What will they think? How will they feel? What questions will they have? What are their fears? What are their dreams? In time...

I just want to love those little kiddos....I already do!

An exerpt from one of my favorite children’s books, I know it by heart! The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

"I suppose you are real?" said the Rabbit. And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive.

But the Skin Horse only smiled.