Mother's Day

It's odd. I'm kind of a mother, but not really... I'm so exhausted emotionally that sometimes I feel like a poor one, at best...so it's hard to celebrate Mother's Day! 

I know many will argue that I am a mother and I know I'm one, kind-of...but it only feels like a sort-of mother, or an aunt, or stepmother maybe, I'm taking the place of someone else who should be here...and my job is to pick up broken pieces and try to put them together without all the right tools and without the pieces always wanting to fit together. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad to do it...try to make a difference...but it doesn't make me want to celebrate motherhood, for myself, right now! You don't have to understand it, you're not in my shoes, and that's okay.

Last year was fun, we were just getting the boys and it was all so surreal and new. I was sure to be so cautious so as not to take the place of their mother or cause them sorrow...but they were really excited...it was nice! My first Mother's Day! 

This year, I'd rather the day just pass nicely, to have a good day without tantrums, arguments, lies, etc...and without me being homesick for my mom and grieving other loses.

It's not that I feel depressed or woe is me, it just the reality of how I feel, and it's okay!

So, I happily celebrate for my mother and for my friends. 

For my friends who struggle on Mother's Day, here's to you too...in some ways, I've been there...I know it's not easy. I love you!!!