Grace wins...but not without a hell of a fight!

So the title is uncomfortable probably...later I'll think more about it, for now  I feel like yes, Grace wins, but grace comes in to pay the steep debt of amazingly messed up choices and circumstances.

I don't cry for me or for what is...I cry for him and for what never should have been...

In an earlier blog I asked a question and the answer is, NO! It doesn't get easier...I thought, perchance, it might. But when your kiddo wants to go with you but it can't happen now...

He watches, Beaver drives, I wave until I can no longer see him standing there...

Beaver tries to comfort me, and probably himself, we are both hurting I know it be you can hardly comfort the other lest you completely lose it...

He holds my hand. In reality the only touch I want right now is to punch someone hard for causing/allowing such pain and injustice. Sounds crazy probably.

Many emotions play through me in a very short ride we take the next turn, off the road he's still on and a gloomy grief settles in as the feet turn to miles. I know soon I'll process this and Gods comfort will wash anew but now I just want to cry and yell and be indignant...I sit here while tear course steadily and silently.

I recognize through the haze of my grief anger and other gamut of other emotions that it is not by accident that playing on the radio are the words..."Hallelujah, Grace wins every time."

I'm so thankful for the availability of GRACE, through the death of God's Son, to saves!!

I'll write more about our short but sweet visit once I can process it all...

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=PQqZltmA0eM

GRACE WINS

Mother's Day thoughts...

I used to avoid FB on Mother's Day...it was a bit of a painful reminder that I wasn't a mom.

Then I really felt convicted that I was being selfish. Besides, I had a fabulous mom and I should celebrate her! She is a fierce child & adoption advocate, she's been adopted by her Heavenly Father and has in turn adopted! 

I watch a lot of moms, always amazed at their strength and love for their child(ren). Yesterday, in the airport we were stuck in a huge line and there was a fussy little one in front of us. She was juggling bags and stroller and bouncing the baby while singing and smoothing her hand across its sweaty teary face. You could see the strain and exhaustion on mom's face. You could tell she was just wishing to be able to feed and comfort that little one.

On the other side of me was a mom having to wake her sleeping baby so they could go through the security checkpoint. Dad took the baby while mom got everything in the belt. Struggling with the stroller then success, then smiling she took the baby.

Another mom was instructing her boys in how to put their things up on the conveyer then again, patiently, when the they weren't doing it right. Then while she had to go one way, and the other(through x-Ray), she never once lost note of where they were, then together again they gathered up their things.

Then later I witnessed the tender reunification of a mother and child who had been separated for a week. She picked him up, held him to her and they basked in the joy of being together again! 

It struck me how strong a mother's love is, how calming/soothing, tenacious, joyful, patient, dedicated, self-sacrificing, and protective! It's a reflection of Gods love for His kids!

And guess what?! His kids are all ADOPTED!

We were reminded this past week at the CAFO conference how adoption is God's heartbeat!

Wow, to be adopted by the Redeemer and Lord of all creation. To be brought into the family of God without reservation despite our bumps, bruises, and baggage. To be wanted and to be chosen! 

In the same token the Redeemed, The Church, has been called to reach out to the Orphans. If we are going to call ourselves Christ followers we have to reach the orphans, they are the heart of God.

The question is not why should the church be involved in adoption, the questions should be how can we not be involved?? We are the redeemed!! We were the orphan, God took us in... James 1:27 we are the recipients of mercy.

It's not an option, we must be involved!

For some that looks like adopting children into our homes, to see them not as a problem, but as an opportunity. For others it is orphan prevention, supporting families in need and teens mom, and so much more.

It's not easy, we are called to that. We are called to be strong, calming/soothing, tenacious, joyful, patient, dedicated, self-sacrificing, and protective

Orphan care is not a suggestion, it is a command.

“Speak up for those who cannot speak up for themselves; ensure justice for those being crushed. Yes, speak up for the poor and helpless and see that they get justice.” – Proverbs 31:8-9

“In you the orphan finds mercy.” – Hosea 14:3

“Anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf is welcoming me.” – Matthew 18:5

"See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we would be called children of God; and such we are For this reason the world does not know us, because it did not know Him. Beloved, now we are children of God, and it has not appeared as yet what we will be We know that when He appears, we will be like Him, because we will see Him just as He is." 1 John 3:1-2

“A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows,  is God in his holy dwelling.  God sets the lonely in families..” Psalm 68:5-6a

"Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world.” James 1:27

"And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’ ” Matthew 25:40

Imagine if each one reached one? What if the church did her job? What would it look like to have the Redeemed so in touch with the heart of God? What would it look like to have a world without orphans?! 

Wow, I did know I was going to go there...but that is what the Lord brought to my heart.

Those who kneel before God can stand before anyone!

As some of you know, one of our kiddos is currently not living with us due to his unsafe behaviors. We haven't broadcast it because, well, how do you go about putting it into writing when your heart is aching?

He is in a great facility and we are able to see him often while he gets the help he needs. We have also been able to take him for a couple brief outings, they typically go well but they are also a struggle at times. We have been so grateful that he is in a place where he has love, support, consistency, of people who seem to love the Lord and are there for the kids.

We learned in Friday that the county of financial responsibility, that agreed to pay the 12-16 months of treatment, is longer willing to pay for him to be there. This scares us, a lot!

There is no way this kiddo is ready to be back and frankly, we are struggling with anxiety and fear related to the possibility of him coming home.

Monday is a hearing/meeting, we are going in expecting to fight and we are already overwhelmed at having to be here yet again.

More time off work, more time fighting, more paperwork, more heartbreak for all of us. It is just not right.

Please pray with us as we go into this tomorrow.

Lord please calm the fear in our hearts. Please grant us wisdom and courage, and may the decision be what is best for this kiddo and our family.

We Are Expecting!!!!

It is official!!  We are all approved and ready to adopt!  It is bittersweet as I think about this…I am so excited to be on this journey toward becoming a family with the children God is preparing for us.  However, in the preparation is pain.  They are going through a loss that I will never quite understand - even in my fervor of excitement and anticipation, my heart aches for these children who will soon call me mom.  I already want to earn their trust, to protect them, and love them! YIKES, "Mom" so much responsibility it is really starting to seem real.

Friends, can you pray for us as a family - that the Lord prepares our hearts for each other.  Pray that the Lord grants Beaver and I the wisdom, love, courage, and grace we need to parent these gifts the Lord is bringing into our lives!

Someone, I am sure without even thinking, asked me why I did not want kids of my own.  Let me be clear, these will be my own…our own! Beaver and I chose adoption over conception long ago, these will be our "real" kids. 

We understand there are questions that you have, please feel free to ask and share in our excitement - We Are Expecting and we are so excited to share this journey with you! Thank you for sharing in the journey and for being excited for/with us!

We also want to explain the next steps. Once children are identified as a potential match for us, the kids social worker will get our file if she agrees we would be a good match for the kids then and our social worker will get the kids file.  We will review and decided if we should proceed, if yes, we sign an intent to adopt…a contract to adopt these children even without meeting them.  To some, this sounds scary, but parents who conceive never get to choose or meet their child first either. Plus it shows commitment so that people are meeting the kids and then they never see them again. They have already had enough loss.

Then the visits start! The visit increase as we go start with an hour or so visit until overnighters then weekends etc…it is about a three month process and could mean trips all over the State. This process will be our priority over the next few months. We will be careful as we plan ahead but we ask for your understanding if we need to make changes to or cancel plans or are not as available as we typically might be!

Coveting your love, encouragement, and prayers…it takes a village, my friends, it takes a village!! 

XO, ht