Grace wins...but not without a hell of a fight!

So the title is uncomfortable probably...later I'll think more about it, for now  I feel like yes, Grace wins, but grace comes in to pay the steep debt of amazingly messed up choices and circumstances.

I don't cry for me or for what is...I cry for him and for what never should have been...

In an earlier blog I asked a question and the answer is, NO! It doesn't get easier...I thought, perchance, it might. But when your kiddo wants to go with you but it can't happen now...

He watches, Beaver drives, I wave until I can no longer see him standing there...

Beaver tries to comfort me, and probably himself, we are both hurting I know it be you can hardly comfort the other lest you completely lose it...

He holds my hand. In reality the only touch I want right now is to punch someone hard for causing/allowing such pain and injustice. Sounds crazy probably.

Many emotions play through me in a very short ride we take the next turn, off the road he's still on and a gloomy grief settles in as the feet turn to miles. I know soon I'll process this and Gods comfort will wash anew but now I just want to cry and yell and be indignant...I sit here while tear course steadily and silently.

I recognize through the haze of my grief anger and other gamut of other emotions that it is not by accident that playing on the radio are the words..."Hallelujah, Grace wins every time."

I'm so thankful for the availability of GRACE, through the death of God's Son, to saves!!

I'll write more about our short but sweet visit once I can process it all...

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=PQqZltmA0eM

GRACE WINS

Those who kneel before God can stand before anyone!

As some of you know, one of our kiddos is currently not living with us due to his unsafe behaviors. We haven't broadcast it because, well, how do you go about putting it into writing when your heart is aching?

He is in a great facility and we are able to see him often while he gets the help he needs. We have also been able to take him for a couple brief outings, they typically go well but they are also a struggle at times. We have been so grateful that he is in a place where he has love, support, consistency, of people who seem to love the Lord and are there for the kids.

We learned in Friday that the county of financial responsibility, that agreed to pay the 12-16 months of treatment, is longer willing to pay for him to be there. This scares us, a lot!

There is no way this kiddo is ready to be back and frankly, we are struggling with anxiety and fear related to the possibility of him coming home.

Monday is a hearing/meeting, we are going in expecting to fight and we are already overwhelmed at having to be here yet again.

More time off work, more time fighting, more paperwork, more heartbreak for all of us. It is just not right.

Please pray with us as we go into this tomorrow.

Lord please calm the fear in our hearts. Please grant us wisdom and courage, and may the decision be what is best for this kiddo and our family.