Christmas Klepto

I feel like a sitcom episode: That Time I (Accidentally?) Became a Christmas Crook

Oh my gosh, you guys. Last night, on my way home from the hospital, I decided to stop at Dollar Tree. (Because where else do you turn when life is chaos and you need a little retail therapy on a budget?)

Here’s the thing I’m learning about stores in New York: they don’t give you bags. You have to bring your own, which I completely forgot. No problem, I thought—I’ll figure it out.

So, there I was, unloading all my treasures onto the counter. Meanwhile, Claudia was doing her best to distract me, and Beaver was on the phone asking for updates. Between their shenanigans and my growing exhaustion, I started feeling overwhelmed. I think my brain just short-circuited, because the next thing I knew, I was back in the car with all my stuff.

At first, I thought, “Wow, I only spent $13? I must’ve been extra thrifty today!” But when I got home, I started unpacking and realized there was no way I had paid for all of it. I had at least $30 worth of Dollar Tree gold!

When I woke up in the middle of the night (because apparently guilt doesn’t sleep), I replayed the moment in my head. I remembered the cashier giving me a very confused look. And honestly, she had every reason to. Picture it: me, wearing a ridiculous Santa headband I’d thrown on earlier to entertain CJ, pink rhinestone glasses perched on my nose, a string of pearls, and the frazzled energy of someone barely holding it together.

I must’ve looked like the ghost of Christmas chaos. Between my accessorized hot mess vibe and Claudia’s distractions, that poor cashier probably didn’t know what hit her.

So now, today’s mission is Operation Dollar Tree Redemption. I’m going back to make it right because, let’s be honest, nothing says “holiday spirit” like confessing your accidental kleptomania while dressed like a walking Christmas card.