Gotcha?!?!

Sometimes it hits me that you are not here…I cleaned the shower and moved your Raphael TMNT soap to the other side and then back….thinking later how odd that was that it’s been 9 months and your soap is still in the shower, some of your toys still in the living room.  Your dresser is full of clothes that I put away for you, I am sure they no longer fit but I don’t want you to have an empty dresser – I don’t want you to feel we’ve gotten rid of your things.  Today I put your TMNT costume on the steps to go up to your room and found myself singing, “Turtle in a half shell, Turtle Power!” It’s odd that you are not here…yet I guess it still feels like you are in some respects, we talk about you a lot and we rehash fun/funny memories and talk through some hurtful ones too, I have so much hope for you to come home…but honestly, I am also trying to be reality based - this might not happen.  As the Judge put it, “ we might need to think outside the box as to what a family/home looks like for him.”  Today is the 2^ndAnnual Gotcha Day – but in reality – we don’t gotcha…not really and that makes me sad for us, for me, but also for you – you didn’t ask to be broken.