Wanted to bring you an update. It has been one week!! Wow, so hard to believe it’s only been a week. We certainly are feeling like new parents....we are in awe of these gifts with which we have been entrusted and we are exhausted!! :)
On Facebook (FB), you may have seen the highlights of our times times together so far!! From visits to the library, to time with friends and family, swimming, jet skis, and more. We are so excited to be able to share them, it helps us feel connect to our friends and family all over the states and overseas. Thanks you for following along on our journey and for your prayers, keep ‘em coming!
I want to be transparent. On FB we see all the wonderful shining moments and can lose sight of the reality of the situation we are in. While yes it is wonderful we are also dealing with two broken boys who have been at the mercy of a broken system for several years. It is hard. It is exhausting. It tries our patience. Honestly, it is also quite overwhelming at times. We are learning so much!! We have to be so consistent, this alone is daunting, as many parents know, it takes team work. We have been learning each other’s areas of strengths and weakness and when to come alongside the other to take over or give the other time to take a shower or just to go potty in peace. Seriously!! :)
Sorry this is long you can skim it, but I wanted to journal it for myself as well as to share. Since I have felt so overwhelmed I thought I would journal about how much we have to CELEBRATE!!!
Celebrating these young open hearts: There are many amazing moments that just melt your heart. They are opening up, they are sharing their hurts and we are able to guide them through, pointing them to Christ and towards the many people in their “village” who love them and are praying for all of us. They are also at times lashing out and do not even understand why. We are privileged to helping them through this time. They understand the rules and boundaries we are setting are to help them grow into good men who love and respect their Lord as well as other people. The case workers thought it would take months to a year to get to this point where they are trusting us.
Celebrating friends: Our friends have been tremendously understanding. The boys are very outspoken and socially awkward. But they have goals to make friends and they are trying hard to do so. It takes time, and understanding and learning from natural consequences. For example, growling in someone’s face does not a friend make. It’s awesome that you can make that tremendous noise, but not so awesome to the kid you just freaked out! They have also been understanding that the boys need to look to us as providers and learn to trust that we will meet their needs. Some day the boys will know of all those who blessed us with gifts but for now they just need to know they have no needs, they are safe, and people love them. Thanks friends!!
Celebrating “the blessing” we were given as children: This blessing of unconditional love and acceptance has been absent for them. So, there is a constant need to know that we are here, we are not leaving, they are loved. There are constant, “I love you’s,” hugs, kisses, and times when they ask to be held and/or rocked.
Celebrating progress: There are many areas we anticipate to see progress in as we go for now a big one is the bedtime process. Bedtime routine is down from 3 hours to about 1 hour and we have figured out pretty good process of reassurance yet boundaries as time goes on we anticipate this will improve even more.
Celebrating their past: the boys have soft hearts they really care for others and especially for animals. They have a foundation of knowing the Jesus story and understanding who He is and what He has done.
Celebrating humorous moments: There are moments that just crack us up. For example, last night at dinner when one was praying it went like this:
“Dear Lord, we thank you Lord, for this day Lord and for this dinner Lord. Lord please be with my brother help him to be calm and have a good night Lord and have fun with his rock crystal kit. Lord help me to get past the Pokemon level that I am struggling with Lord, and Lord (INSERT me busting up laughing....I tried keeping it in, but it just cracked me up and I couldn't help it...perhaps at some level it is due to the exhaustion...anyway, that took some explaining that I just thought it was cute and then we were back to the prayer) and so Lord be with us and give us a good night Lord, Amen. Father, Son, Holy Spirit”
Then just a few minutes ago the other one came downstairs completely covered in duct tape...not sure where he found it but he made himself a costume. A costume that, to his surprise, was painful to remove especially from the eyebrows and lips and hair. Oh my goodness, I thought he was going to suffocate himself under all that tape.
Celebrating moments to learn and educate: There are also moments of miscommunication: Due to the nature of autism as well as the lack of toys and things growing up, one of the behaviors we work with is collecting things. Often wrappers on the ground, various brochures or business cards they find or little stones etc...buckets of this were tossed before they came to live with us. To help curb this in our home Beaver gave each boy a small basket for their treasures and explained that when the basket is full they have to be done or throw the things away before collecting more. Both boys solemnly accepted the baskets but never said a word. We soon learned that somewhere something was lost in translation. The baskets were soon brimming with legos, swim shoes, remote control car, etc... They had thought the only toys they were allowed to keep had to fit in the baskets. Ooops! I think they were quite relieved to have that miscommunication cleared up!!
They are learning to cook and measure ingredients, how to look at prices, shop for, and clean and chop fruits and vegetables. They are learning about opera, history, art, and more...it’s so fun - they are like sponges..most of the time!! :)
Celebrating A: This is one smart kid! He is learning to be more open-minded and accepting. He is searching for where he fits into the world and the family. He is such a good helper. On projects he can really take his time to get them done right and is a problem solver. He craves attention, acknowledgment, and love.
Celebrating D: What a loving little boy. Quite insecure and needing constant reassurance, love, guidance, and redirection. He is giving and caring, he is often alone as too much action overwhelms him easily. He loves God and listens diligently in church even when it looks like he isn’t. He is busy 99.9% of the time!
Celebrating Family: We are all learning together how to be a family and work through hurts, learn to have a sense of humor (important for any child of ours!! Lol!!), learn that there will always be food and plenty of it, learning that families share, that just because we all may make poor choices at times, we still love each other and we are still a family.
Celebrating God’s continued good work: Please continue to pray for us although this is tough, we have absolutely ZERO regrets and we have no second thoughts. We know God placed these two boys in our lives and we are so very blessed!!
Celebrating YOU: thank you for your love and support. For those who listen without judgement and for those who give us advice, we know you have been there and we are taking bits and pieces from each one and it is shaping us as parents and partners in crime!! :)
Celebrating our Lord: because He is in all of this and goes before us preparing the way....phew!!! :)
